


fear could destroy us all (and maybe it did)

by bennysbestie (orphan_account)



Category: Akudama Drive (Anime)
Genre: Experimental Style, Gen, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27955745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bennysbestie
Summary: hoodlum was the fearful, petty criminal who happened to be in the right place at the wrong time; more times than once(or)me getting all torn up over akudama drive and wanting to experiment with my writing style
Relationships: Hoodlum & Brawler, Hoodlum & Everybody
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	fear could destroy us all (and maybe it did)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at literal 4am and its very shitty, but my mission to build small fandoms will never happen if i never post yk
> 
> i don't know if this work even deserves the 'graphic descriptions of violence tag,' but whatever!

He was a coward, but he still ran in the direction Brawler had disappeared to. It was rainy, and he was fearful about the way one misplaced step could kill him. Those were the two things he could comprehend, in the foggy state of his mind. 

He didn’t notice the blood on his hands, and he wouldn't have known where it was from, even if he had. He didn’t notice the way his hands shook, as if he was terrified. That was usual for him, anyways, wasn’t it? To be scared, that is. He was a fish out of water, surrounded by powerful akudama, on a dangerous mission, despite the fact he was nothing. He was the man with a four-year sentence, the man who had done nothing but petty crime his entire life. 

He was the man who was barely a man, he would be just out of college, if he had been provided the luxuries to afford it. It would be something to add to his list of excuses; another distraction to tell himself his fear was justified, if he had not seen the bravery of the seventeen year old akudama Hacker. He had looked to the kid for protection, multiple times; such as the time he had cowered fearfully behind him, eyes tracking the bullets that flew through the room as the boy fearlessly stood, typing up a shield as if nothing was wrong. He would feel ashamed, if that was the person he was. 

Hoodlum didn’t feel shame - he couldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to, was he? 

He felt fearful as the images of Cutthroat being brutally maimed, his legs destroyed as he fought to protect Swindler. In that situation, he would not have acted the same, it wasn’t even a possibility in his mind. He had left them, before even seeing if they were alive. The kid had been lying on the floor, hole through his chest as the floor was painted red with his blood. He had been too afraid to protect a little kid, that really brought him so much farther in his role of the coward. What kind of person was he, to do such a thing? A life of crime couldn’t excuse him from basic humanity. That was the kind of person he hated, the exact kind to let a kid die when they could’ve protected them. 

He felt hatred; towards himself, towards the executioners, even towards Cutthroat - though he wasn’t supposed to. 

The rain continued to pour, caressing his face and bare skin. Cutthroat would’ve loved it, based off of the way he had reacted to the rain earlier. Brawler would probably be pretending not to shiver, pretending as if he was invincible to everything, even the cold. He always acted as if nothing in the world could touch him, even as he coughed blood up from the injuries of the previous fights. He didn’t think Brawler could defeat the executioner alone, no matter how much power he had. The executioner had nearly destroyed them all, even with the forces of multiple akudama against him. 

The man had insisted he fought alone, even if it ended him. Hoodlum didn’t know if he could handle the end of Brawler; not only had the man been the first and only to accept him into their group of akudama, he had been the first friend Hoodlum had ever made. Getting attached to anyone in the line of work he was used to was nothing but begging for your own destruction.  
Even knowing that caring was dangerous, he still cared. He cared about Swindler, and the kids she practically adopted, and Cutthroat, and the rest of the akudama. Most of all, he cared about Brawler; he cared so much, his chest felt as if it was about to explode with every moment that passed by. 

In the distance, he spotted a bridge, on which two small figures fought violently. He wanted to run, but his fear prohibited him; which made very little sense, as his fear also urged him to run. The only difference, between this, and the fear he felt every day, was that the fear wasn’t his own - or at the least, the fear wasn’t about him. He wasn’t fearful of his own wellbeing, he was scared for Brawler. His pace quickened, and although it still wasn’t a run, it was almost one.

His fear was obvious again once he stood, watching the two fight. Brawler seemed worse off than when they had last interacted, and even then, he had wanted to tell his friend to sit down and relax, to not strain himself. Seeing the blood run down the man’s face was concerning, especially when the blood on his face was paired with a large gash sprawled against his chest. Even the coward himself wasn’t used to such heavy fear, the kind that consumed you, and made you doubt your every action; the kind of fear that forced you to face the reality of your most selfish desires. 

Hoodlum was almost as used to tough choices as he was used to fear, but deciding between himself and his only friend still made him hesitate.

When faced with such a choice, what kind of choice does one have?

Is there even a decision to make in the first place?

Hoodlum awoke, finally; to a warm place to stay, to a somewhat familiar face, and most importantly, he awoke to the consequences of his actions. He woke up in the Doctor’s apartment, relatively safe- and, due to his own selfishness, alive. He was alive, but how easily could he achieve life again? How could he live, turning to face nothing but silence and the harsh reminder of what he’s done? 

Was he alive only to accomplish everything but living? 

Was he truly selfish, to choose himself over Brawler? Every emotion he’d ever felt was nothing but danger to an akudama.

He’d do better to be like Courier; to feel nothing at all, or for his decisions to be made without the shadow of emotion hanging over them. 

Maybe he would be exactly that, if he could; but Hoodlum was not Courier. 

Maybe in a different world he would be, or in a different nightmare. Maybe, in a different nightmare, in another world, he saved Brawler, only to subject him to the same fate he was suffering now; to live and breathe sorrow, to feel it with every step, and still pretend differently.

**Author's Note:**

> did brawlers death literally ~destroy~ anyone else or was that just me?
> 
> but thank you for reading! have a good day!


End file.
